We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so let's talk penis.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You are the jesus of drinking
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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