Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
