doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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