Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I cut my penus on the lid.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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