I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
