Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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