Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
