Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
