im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
