hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
