I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
