I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
