Someone shit on the floor
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
