happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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