I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
