forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
