i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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