Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
