just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
