I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
