it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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