It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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