fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
