So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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