You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
