At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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