Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
