DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize