Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
