They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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