i permit you to call me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
