How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
