I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
