i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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