So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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