i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
