My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
