I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
