forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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