I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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