are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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