You just made me feel so damn special
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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