if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
