i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
