dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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