Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
