I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
