Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
