dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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