my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
love makes seman taste better
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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