I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
