Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
