I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
