drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
