we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
