On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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