Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
