I got her a Nickelback box set.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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