went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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