So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
