So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
