so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
