I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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