Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
