More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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