I just threw up on my dentist
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
