I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
