A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
