I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
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They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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