Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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