I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
